I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
