Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
