Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
