I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
