I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
