Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
