just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
