I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
