Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
