sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
