So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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