dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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