God, you're like boner-b-gone
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
