love makes seman taste better
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
