have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
