I wannas sexs uuuuu
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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