Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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