that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
