Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
All the doctor said was why
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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