it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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