dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
