You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
