Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
