He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
