he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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