Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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