Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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