You can't motorboat a personality
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
