I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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