Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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