Are we in a gay sports bar?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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