Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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