i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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