How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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