my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
