this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
