So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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