Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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