im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
