when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My ass is underappreciated
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
