Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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