WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
