If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
