I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
