For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
