I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
