he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
