i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So many bounce houses so little time
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
