omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
