i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
