New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
