Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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